Music captures my heart more than anything. It energizes me, reformulates my insides and brings my ravaged mind a sense of understanding. So to name favorite artists could be really simple - I could give you a list of a top 5 and walk away and be filled with deep regret for days because I lied. I don’t have a top favorite artists, rapper, singer, I have music that matches the many moods and phases of my life. And it’s always been loud in my soul. The music I choose to listen to always grabbed me by the heart and sat my ass down and forced itself way into my being. SZA, TDE’s legendary songstress’, did anything but. The first time I heard her songs were probably somewhere on tumblr or soundcloud or something. But I wasn’t instantly captured, to be completely honest. I wasn’t floored or blown away, it was almost as if her music implanted something in me that grew from a small seed to a deep reverent understanding and resonating towards her lyrics. Solana Rowe, fellow Scorpio, from Jersey makes ART meant for decoding. On a first listen, or at least my first listen, I honestly could not understand what she was saying. Soft whispers and breathy outro’s were juxtaposed against today’s music that is noisy and constantly busy. But I knew these new found tapes were gems when I found myself in a local coffee shop working on a paper softly swaying to her Ep’s. And the rest, was history. Her first EP “See.SZA.Run” which was all an accident ending up being the best accident my ears had the pleasure of stumbling upon. With tracks like “Country” (my absolute favorite song by her), acting as more of a chant more than a song, declaring to be much more than even you yourself could imagine - it was hard to pass up what SZA was cooking. I was a fan. I was hooked. Complex had it right when they said she made music palatable for multiple listens because I haven’t stopped since.
It’s difficult to find music to fall in love with and even harder to resonate with the artist themselves. But I’ve always felt like I connected to Solana’s story from the jump. A girl just in the midst of her world truly trying to create her own lane. From her hair styles, to her esoteric style but that hard to miss smile, it’s hard to miss her presence. Whether on a song or just from being on a computer screen. With many features from all her label mates, it seems that her feminine charm seems to subdue the tracks with even the most hardened rappers. She takes whatever she touches and truly turns it into gold. Upping any song’s ethereal aesthetics to (insert 100 emoji here) and beyond. To say I am just a fan is an understatement. Not only has SZA’s music changed my life but I also admire her creative genius so heavily. From the sugar-y tracks on Z, such as Child’s Play ft. Chance the Rapper singing about childhood favorites, or Babylon ft. Kendrick Lamar which makes you wonder about yourself so deeply, you forgot you were even listening to a song in the first place. Because that’s just it, SZA does not make music. At least not to me, in the sense that she comes full circle because she is a tried and true artist. She creates experiences and tells stories and from the looks of her concerts and live shows, constantly keeps you pondering (the forever charm of a Scorpio’s mystery.) If you aren’t interested in traveling to a dimension of your listening palate and dive into your spirit to draw truth from the depths of your soul, then her music isn’t for you. This TDE princess truly has her roots deeply connected in a realm of music that has yet to be tapped. Alternative R&B really doesn’t do her genre justice and it’s safe to say once an artist breaks the confines of a mold or a box to fit in, they are truly destined for greatness.
We’ve known Kanye in many eras. From the Roc-A-Fella producer behind many hits by Jay-z, Alicia Keys, Beanie Segal, and Cam'ron to name a few, to now the conflicted controversial artist everyone, including us loves to ridicule. So how did someone who respectfully gained a spot on the top 5 producers/rappers of the decade, decline into a conflicted artist in our eyes? Let’s first backtrack to the beginning of Ye, why we loved him so much. A young Chicago kid born from the late Donda West who was a Clark University professor and Ray West, a former black panther, who was one of the first black photojournalists. *scratch record* that lethal combination is probably what Malcolm X would conjure up if he could have a dream child. Not really, but you get the gist. A child with that background is one you probably would think would grow up to be a lawyer or an NAACP activist, or hell, even follow his parent’s footsteps. Whats better though? Kanye fell in love with hip-hop at a young age. The rest is history.
“I get down for my grandfather who took my momma Made her sit that seat where white folks ain’t wanna us to eat At the tender age of 6 she was arrested for the sit in With that in my blood I was born to be different” - “Never Let Me Down” The College Dropout
Kanye started in hip hop producing beats for local acts, creating a distinct sound for himself. Later on catching a big break by putting together the beats for Jay-Z’s “This Can’t Be Life”, going on to work on Jay’s Blueprint album. After that, he basically was behind several Roc-A-Fella artists. However, Kanye never had an easy transition into rapping. People were more apathetic than anything. Many wouldn’t sign him as a rapper because they only trusted his producing abilities. It wasn’t until Dame Dash, the one who most forgot had a pivotal role in Kanye’s success, decided to sign him that he got the chance to prove himself. On “Last Call” he story tells his journey over some jazzy instrumentals featuring his mother, Jay, Damon, Jessica Rivera, and more. If you haven’t heard it yet, I suggest you pause what you’re doing and check it out. Here’s part of it broken down below:
“So uh Dame took me into the office, and he’s like ‘yo man, B, B, you don’t want a brick, you don’t want a brick, you don’t wanna catch a brick. You gotta be under an umbrella, you’ll get rained on.’ I told Hiphop and Hiphop was all, ‘oh, word? Actually, even with that I was still about to take the deal with Capitol cause it was already on the table and cause of my relationship with 3H. That, you know, cause I told him I was gonna do it, and I’m a man of my word, I was gonna roll with what I said I was gonna do. Then, you know, I’m not gonna name no names, but people told me, 'oh he’s just a producer rapper’ and told 3H that told the heads of the Capitol, and right– the day I’m talking about, I planned out everything I was gonna do. Man, I had picked out clothes, I already started booking studio sessions, I started arranging my album, thinking of marketing schemes, man I was ready to go. And they had Mel call me, they said, 'yo… Capitol pulled on the deal’ And, you know I told them that Roc-A-Fella was interested and I don’t know if they thought that was just something I was saying to gas them up to try to push the price up or whatever. I went up… I called G, I said, 'man, you think we could still get that deal with Roc-A-Fella?’”
Looking back, I’m not surprised why this album was one of my favorites. It humanized Kanye and his complexes. An album that tied so many different concepts together in such a respectable manner. He goes from talking about the pressures of stereotypical success from a degree “School Spirit Skit” to the struggle of blue collar life “Spaceship”, while still keeping it light by poking fun at basketball wives “WorkOut Plan.” People forget that Kanye'sbeen somehow incorporating lovers/ex-lovers into his music since the beginning of his time. His samples on the album came from his ex-girlfriends father’s crate of records. Hip Hop went to confirm it, “His girl’s (Sumeke Rainey) father gave him a crate of records that a lot of [samples on the album] came from,” via Complex.
Late Registration went to do as well also. Still fitting Kanye under a successful conscious rapper, however still keeping it soulful and giving a touch of pop.
Meanwhile, in his personal life, Kanye was making noise. Two public relationships, one with Brooke Crittendon from Harlem Heights, and one with Alexis Phifer (who is probably his soulmate and he couldn’t accept.) Both didn’t last. But that wasn’t the last of Alexis. At this point, this is where I went beyond taking my likings to Kanye as an artist and vibed with his whole persona. His relationship with Alexis, part dos, was so interesting to me. Now, Kanye is probably one of the very few rappers I liked simply for his creativity, because let’s face it, if I could marry Nas, Cole, or Common, I would. But, what interested me about Ye and Alexis was how much they fit. She was a designer and Kanye was beginning to get into the peek of his own style. They shared an interest of fashion and arts. He was basking in the fame and she was coasting. Lowkey opposites. With honoring his late mother’s wishes, Kanye ended up proposing to her. So no, Kardashian Klan fans, Kimmy wasn’t the first. Though the passing of his mother and other things put a strain on their relationship, the engagement didn’t last. To this day, I still think of her as his “one.” She ended up being the muse behind 808’s and Heartbreaks, an album that showcased a wounded soul, over auto-tuned vocals.
Then came the era of Amber Rose, which I never truly understood. What came out of it though? His best music. I guess that should say enough huh? MBDTF is remarkable, like something you throw on a vinyl. It’s where he snaps musically. Pushing the envelope of what he considered hip hop and incorporating r&b, rock, and alien electronics samples on it. Filled with lethal wit, Kanye tries to uncover his emotions and psyche. It’s unpredictable, abrasive, and hyped… fitting to the image he holds today. So was that the clue of where Kanye himself was headed? I guess so.
Watch the Throne came, and it was almost like Jay put a God influenced hand on Kanye and told him to get it the hell together. That album right there? GOLD. Call it the soundtrack to my good, bad, or ugly days. That one was for the hood.. in the most cockiest forms. Any speculation of who was great was silenced. It’s almost like Jay came out and wanted to show the Kanye he’s always believed in. It was beautiful to witness him, in our opinion, do better than Jay on WTT.
But, like all good things, that high of “old Kanye” died. I won’t even sit here and lie, I’ve only heard one song on Yeezus. Let’s first start with the ego behind the album title. I’m not even Christian and I find the self-proclaimed God-like persona so offensive. Now, I get it. It pays to act crazy and earns you longevity, but at some point, enough is enough. It’s like he started to do it for the fame rather than the love of hip hop. The rapper who once rapped about the negative effects of materialism in “All Falls Down” is the same one who is trying to sell basic clothes and shoes for +$500. He jumps between rejecting and worshiping fame that almost makes it impossible to focus on his music. But let’s be honest, his music can’t even get you to focus on his music. I almost feel bad for Kanye because we’re publicly watching his demise play out. An unhappy soul who constantly lashes out. I get people must grow, but you can’t rise off a black support and forget us and the movement.
22 was a hulluva ride. this year has honestly been the most confusing and turbulent year of my life. never have I experienced a sense of inconsistency before and yet with all the trouble, I have found a sense of peace. realizing that often we attach our sense of self and happiness onto others, I had to figure a way that would get my sense of stability grounded - a way to realize that happiness and a blissful life literally were at my own fingertips. control of my life not only in the sense of handling shit, but realizing that my power was rooted in my ability to make shit happen for myself. my bliss came with my own prayer and my own work and for this realization? I am eternally grateful. today I am happy. I feel alive. I feel truly liberated and honestly so full of love, toppling over with gratitude. this is must be what it means to know yourself and what you need to nurture yourself cuz I feel pretty fucking rooted within who I am, and it’s amazing. 23, here’s to hoping for even more growth. xo
Not to sound dramatic or anything, but I have known the deepest pits of lonely. I have known what it is like to feel as though your suffering is like water to an emollient wall - nothing you feel absorb into the pores of someone else’s soul. a lonely that is like ever present like the unidentified ringing of your ears that only intensifies in your silence. I have lived with a lonely in that it swallows and hangs on my limbs and takes over who I am. Name: Alone. When: Forever. And with that, I have also been flung into the throws of love. Flung, recklessly like the winds of a hurricane. Unforgiving. Loved so deep that I have in turn, became more of who I was ever meant to be. So much so, that I think God had to take it away from me so that my identify was more permanent, rather than the fluidity of it existing because of someone else. I have loved to the point where I physically became happier, more radiant. Was doing yoga and shit. I loved so hard to the point where every damned day felt like drowning in a bed full of daises and coming up only to be swimming in honey. The nectar of love dripped from the sides of my lips like a ravaged beast for someone’s affections. And the love I have for myself while discovering I could reach a depth of adoration? Unmatched. Both sides have taught me so much about the pleasures of living. Suffering in lonely is only a side effect of knowing what companionship once was, and the like with Love - it can only be truly recognized juxtaposed against an lonesomeness that your soul has truly drunken in.
I love my feelings. I love my intensity. I love that even when I try to ground my feelings, they just bubble over. I love that I feel that overwhelming heart aching, gut wrenching happiness. that’s my favorite part of being alive. the happiness that turns your stomach and has your heart beating a thousand miles per minute. that’s what reminds of being alive. what reminds me of my existence is my feelings. even the sad things. the disappointments. the let downs. the heart break. even those things I am grateful to have felt the pain. I am thankful that through these things, God hasn’t hardened me. I still love, I still want a love. I am, admittedly cautious, but I possess a hope. a deep kind of hope that blazes with a blind fury in my veins that even if my tomorrow is no different than my right now, I hold it deep in my cavernous & mysterious being that tomorrow bears the responsibility of being different. you see, today… right now.. it’s happening, the moment owes me nothing more than what I give it, and with all my deep feelings, boy do I give my “right now’s” my all (when I can). but as I lay here to fall asleep, tomorrow hasn’t presented itself to be yet. so we have the chance to rendezvous and make a dance of it all. with my fate. with my destiny. with my greatness - it’s still out there. we can make it marvelous or we can flicker and dim in the darkness. that is the choice and the hope tomorrow gives me. tomorrow can shake me, change my entire life … that day, the explosive moments that we all have, the ones that eventually define and shape us and clap us into our mystic selves to dance to this tune (or against it) for the rest of our lives .. that could be at anytime. so I welcome it, I welcome the blinding beauty. the monumental tomorrow might be because if there is one thing I learned about life besides truly trusting your gut is that the promise of tomorrow’s dawn trumps today’s darkness a million times over.
The affinity I have for this songs runs so deep; Tribe Called Quest here on their main single from their fifth & final album The Love Movement, “Find A Way” has always been associated with the essence that is The Tribe for me. From the smooth jazz undertones to the heavy “boom-boom-kat” of the bass & the female vocals to mellow out the tone of the chorus, we not only get a song that sounds aesthetically pleasing but these lyrics? C’mon! It’s classic “is she the one, or am I caught in the matrix” — a man’s insecurity about where he is to go with the object of his affections, the crossroads that I think just about anyone can relate to & who wouldn’t love a good “Martin” reference? With lines like “should I just sit out or come harder/help me find my way” we see a speaker anguished by his inability to go in for the kill and looking for a sign from her. Whew! This song here! “Find a Way” always finds its way (hehe) into my headphones every Fall/Winter & I just stumbled on it this year and my sentiments remain unchanged — head bobbin, rappin along & proceeding to bump the entire “Love Movement” album. I hope y’all vibe as heavy as I do to this song.
Been saying I feel my spirit being pulled in a certain direction, so I’ve gone quite sometime without writing and without speaking (definitively at least) because when you’re soul is being moved all you can do is stand still. In this stillness you listen, to a lot of things. To stories, to people speaking, even some lying. You have to hear some lies to help make sense of the truth, at least of your own truth. Finally having a day off of work and a night to just listen to music and relax with my family, I can’t stop myself from writing this and saying that you can outgrow a love®. Now this fact could be hard for someone like me to swallow because even though most people don’t see me as a romantic, I truly am. truly. or maybe I am hopeless when it comes to my own love. I don’t believe real love ever ends, I don’t. IF you ever really loved someone, this goes for both participating parties, you would do whatever to keep them. Absolutely whatever. Like I’ve said before, I have always believed there is something animalistic about falling in love, you are snarling and growling at the world to protect your free fall, you don’t want a single thing to disturb or mangle your experience but if it is anything less than wild and carnal — i truly do not want it. i am in love, with my life. my family, my friends, my job, even my occasional loneliness is so intimate and passionate, so i know what kind of lover i can be and how love fits into me. one of the perks of being a Scorpio, i’m such an extremist especially emotionally, and it’s going to take a lot more than someone like a certain person in my past to convince me that love is supposed to be lukewarm and doused in average. it isn’t & I have always known this. somehow I’ve allowed myself into buying into all of that and now that I have my head above water, it all makes sense. I’m not going to “settle of company when (i) want love". nope. nah. so, if it’s average, if it is anything short of magical and doesn’t keep me up in a passionate heat in the middle of winter and has me shook up, shivering in the hot New Orleans nights, I do not want it..
Life is filled with infinite moments, both good and bad, but my favorite moments are those when one pushes their ego aside, and rests upon the hands of God to summon love and gratitude in order to extend that to others. Something in me moves when I see a humble gesture from one individual to the next out of pure unadulterated kindness and sympathy for just being human - knowing that everyday we fight our own battles. it’s a beautiful thing, truly.
coffeetalkxo.tumblr.com, with all the love in the world. (Taken with Instagram)
