hey you, yes you. remember me? the girl who kept you up so late at night probably because all of your phone calls were made so late at night. yes, me the one who came and brought you food and gifts to your house, came saw you when you were sick? remember her? The one who listened to you gripe and complain about your ex, telling me she was crazy and how she had an attitude problem and how you like me so much because i’m so different. yes me, i’m writing you to tell you that our waters were troubled before we stepped in, in case you didn’t know. she would call and text you and you would swear that it’s nothing and that you’re in the situation with me to grow. those waters that left me high and dry many a nights, debating if i should call to question your whereabouts, did I even have that right? better yet, did i even stand a chance? because the second she came around, it’s like i was tossed out. made no sense to me, i was raised to be strong, resilient and to never take no shit from anyone, especially not no man, but i somehow ended up being the seat-filler for your past. and no don’t try and give me that “you get what you allow” bullshit because when you fall in love, you don’t ask for it. you don’t ask to be treated as a second-rate lover when all the while you were number one in my life. this wasn’t a love of permission, nope. i cared so much that i ended up getting hurt. all the soft shit aside, was it because she screamed at you louder than i? or maybe it’s because she was hitting your phone up non stop? and i beg the question, how in the world did her birthday end up as the password to your phone while i’m laying next to you? how did you end up at her family gathering and i’m waiting for a call? too many questions, i’ll let this all simmer. just take a deep breath, understand that i don’t regret a thing because i loved you fully and deeply, and here i am, woman enough to admit you are a fuck up. i didn’t stand a chance huh? i bet. i thought love was supposed to ignite carnal instincts in people, the hunt. supposed to make you want one person and when you find them that’s it. why didn’t you just choose her? better yet, why the fuck did you choose me while you still loved her? sorry, i know i promised no more questions but did you think that just because i laughed at all your jokes i wouldn’t wise up to your immature ass methodologically way of loving someone? i finally did.

with love,

Hoda xo.