Intimacy: IN-TO-ME-I-See.
Intimacy is defined by the dictionary as simply as closeness. Proximity.
Living in isolation for the last seven months has invited many of us into a place of deep inquiry with our shadows. Most of the time, when we’re distracted and running on the clock of the matrix, we’re on a timeline that leaves little room for personal moments of self-care, let alone intimacy across familiar, platonic and romantic lines.
As I saunter and grant myself the pleasure of slowing down, I slough off the pressure of linear time (in the middle of my Master’s and as a teacher, big fun, will report back later). I feel less and less confined to a collective interpretation of time and more invested in carving out space which fills my time as I so please.
How does this relate to interpersonal intimacy? Even intimacy with self? With more perceived time on our hands, we’re exploring what we do with it. Some are even taking deep inventory of it and restructuring the way they relate to it altogether (the second half is my ministry).
Time appraisals start with where my time is spent the most and I realize my community gets a lot of me. And surprisingly, the pandemic hasn’t changed that fact one bit. In fact, my tribe and I continue to reinvent what community fellowship and spending quality time together looks, as I’m sure most of us are.
Beyond getting creative with the time we have and engaging in shadow work, we also have a chance to get even more intimate with ourselves. Intimacy is a slow burning flame that occurs alongside vulnerability, mutuality and openness.
The four different types of Intimacy are technically defined as:
Experiential Intimacy - Bonding over leisurely activities.
Emotional Intimacy - Feeling safe to share your feelings with one another (even the more difficult ones)
Intellectual Intimacy - When people feel comfortable sharing ideas and opinions, even when they disagree.
Sexual Intimacy - When people engage in sensual or sexual activities.
What happens when we turn that lens inward? Last night I was able to chat with my community about how these various forms of intimacy can show up. We also talked about attachment trauma and how sometimes the memories of past experiences can cause us to push away close, safe and nurturing bonds. Truth be told, we’re all at different places in our path of fostering a pallet of Intimacy in our lives, here go a couple of questions that I want to leave you with to think about:
What are some nonverbal cues that you use to express moments of intimacy?
What are expectations we have in sharing intimacy with others?
What some ways you push intimacy away?
Is intimacy connected to presence? If so, in what ways?
Can you identify the safe spaces in which you do experience nourishing and empowering intimacy?
These questions can be journal-ed or jotted down for you to inquire about. The process of self-inquiry is one that I engage in regularly so I may foster greater awareness around my own personal mental and emotional blocks. Awareness and inquiry are my shield and sword when it comes to liberating myself from limiting beliefs. When it comes to intimacy, many people assume you’re talking about sensual touch and sexual intercourse. However, the more time I spend exploring other forms of intimacy, what I realize is that humans are wired for rich, deep connection. As a process-relationship species, dropping into vulnerability at appropriate times, sharing quality time, expressing and sifting through ideas with one another is literally good for our health. So while you’re checking off whether or not you’ve had enough Sea Moss and Elderberry, check in with your kin too. Better yet, let them check in with you.
Happy journeying.