i’ve been dying to be twenty my whole life. honestly. since i was a little girl, just a wee babe. i always pictured myself living in New York or some really vivacious city, trotting and strutting in heels, running to a meeting or some fabulous event. i really planned out my whole entire life. to the smallest detail, perks of being a pseudo-perfectionist. but everything to the wardrobe i would have, to how my house would be - things like that. but my mentor tweeted something absolutely magnificent today: “you must cultivate the person you intend to be. it’s a humbling reality when you realize that you’re not the person you think you are." and that’s what the build up of becoming 20 has been. not only have i realized who i wanted to be and the true path that has been set for me, i have understood that who i thought i wanted to be was not fair to who i really am.

i am a slow feeler. i have to meditate on my thoughts, allow my feelings to marinate until the obvious lesson is oozing from my fingertips and ears. and i arrive, dripping with epiphanies and revelations and i must act on them and that’s all my life has been lately. aside from consistent moments of clarity - i have been a woman of action for the longest. i will be as transparent as possible, i did not like my life. i did not like myself at times and i was grappling with moments of leading a double life because what i thought or how i felt was consistently muted by the environment i was in. so, soaking myself in the reality that is my soulful, animated being, who is surrounded not only by blessings but with positive people and a positive mindset that is also productive. i realize that i am unfinished, tainted, unlearned and unruly. i still need work. but i am ushering in 20 knowing that what i thought my 20 was supposed to be isn’t what it was going to be - it is actually more than i could ever even fathom asking for, and for that, i am unrelentlessly thankful, grateful and humbled.

from hoda, with love.

wouldn’t be me if i ain’t get a ‘lah deep. lol xo.