i once told someone that i was my only competition during my junior year of high school. crazy because in my junior year of college, that still holds a heavy truth. i am not a competitive person, in terms of trying to outdo others. never, i just bow out for the most part because have no problem allowing others have their shine time. i think that comes from being an older sister. but for whatever reason, the only person i desire to be better than is who i was yesterday. and if not yesterday, than the day before that, and the day before that one, so on and so forth. my main objective isn’t to perfect myself, that’s not why i want to be better. perfect is an ideal, and i’m only 19, nothing close to where i want to be in life. i still have so much more living to do, inshallah (god willing). but it’s more along the lines of a fine tuning of myself. like you would an instrument in a composition. you fine tune it so it sounds better with everything else. sounds more melodic. there are already wonderful parts in my life that sound amazing and those are the things that make me feel good such as, genuine moments, great friends, supportive family, an unwavering faith in God, seeing and experiencing things i haven’t before, you know- this constant growth and living versus existing. these things are already great, without my help, i have just been blessed with them. these things are, alone, the music in my life. but i am trying to fine tune this instrument that is me. just so it can ebb and flows against the backdrop of this already beautiful harmonious piece. i want to instill a calm to myself for myself, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. i want to own my happiness. i want to shackle it down and throw away the key..

sugar, honey, molasses, and all things sweet.

-h.