having something so good. so fun. so fresh. so new. so fulfilling. so different. so.. everything you never thought you could have in a single being. be so close, right under your nose. right in front of your face. both literally and metaphorically. but you can’t have it. you can not fully enjoy it. cannot throughly reap the benefits. it can’t be yours one hundred percent. you want it. think about it sporadically but intensely. the idea of another always passes, but the loyalty you have lingers like the thought of a nightmare, follows you throughout your day and makes you question the meaning. all is worth the wait, but how much longer can it be? the options are obvious: fight, or leave. But if it’s a one way battle one has two options within an already lingering one: kill or be killed. Do I bombard you with these thoughts or allow myself to suffer in silence. where do i take this dilemma. and if it’s too much to bear, shall i walk? should i just leave all alone? why would i. but i should. but i can’t. i won’t. i couldn’t. ALL this time invested in someone i found ALL of the potential in.

the human soul is one that will forever long for something more.