it’s cold as hell and I have work in a few hours but I can’t help but listen to the rumblings in my mind and follow their orders of demanding to be spilled out. lately the rate of change in my life is disproportionate to my ability to cope… basically, shit ain’t the same and it’s kind of freaking me out. I sort of like it but it’s making me feel uncomfortable too. it’s causing me to reach depths that I’m not always trying to be at. the luxury of knowing yourself fully isn’t one totally lost on me, but with being constantly on the go, it’s hard to mull about what you want and what you deserve.. it all comes down to peace of mind and a happiness in my heart. truly, that’s all. I want to be able to rest assured that my efforts to progress further in life aren’t slept on, and that the connections I have with others aren’t in vain. but lately I’m not too sure about the latter. I haven’t been meeting anyone quality people lately… don’t get me wrong, there are some people who are just so magnetic… their vibes demand to be felt but others are so lackluster and don’t appeal to my need of colorful interactions and I’m just tired of it. tired of depositing energy into bottomless pits, people who wallow in nothing but space and time and contribute nothing of substance. I don’t even meet fun people anymore. no men are tickling my fancy, and being newly single .. I need to know that the majesty is still there. I need to know that glitz and glimmer can be in lit into my soul. I need to be inspired. amazed. floored. I want to be impressed. I want to respect. I want to be pacing in my apartment wondering how I got here. how I dove and somehow it was all worth it. idk man, tumblr rant over.